Savor

Momma had a hard time getting out of bed yesterday because her "bones were all stuck together."  That is a tough one to imagine, but the more I try to visualize that, the funnier it gets.  Living with elderly people can be fun and challenging.  You have to have a good sense of humor. I really mean that.  We laugh at ourselves and each other a lot.

The hardest part about their settling into our house, for me, however, is being the activities director. In their minds they want to do things but when it comes down to having the energy to attempt, they decline.  That is very difficult for me to accept on several levels.  They need to be active, right?  They need to keep their minds alert and be stimulated by outside events, correct?  Don't they need to use (or lose) their muscles?   Or should I just let them curl-up, like kittens, and nap off and on all day long?

Every time I pass through the room I'm asked "where ya going?" or "what you doing?"  I feel guilty being busy because they, especially Dad, feel like they ought to be helping or doing something.  There surely is enough work around that I need help with but so much of these tasks they are no longer capable of doing.  And what they can do often needs supervision.  And that's okay.  I need to slow myself down, lower my expectations and be with them. I am the one who needs to get with the program!

I think the saddest thing of all is that Mom thought she would want to do stuff with me when she got here.  As if coming to St. Charles would be the beginning of a new life for her.  It makes my heart hurt to realize that she doesn't want it bad enough to do it.  She sleeps.  And sleeps and sleeps.  And I think she's depressed about it, too.... that her last great hope of renewal was coming to be with me and that being here hasn't changed her life much at all.  Just locations.

How much do I push and how much do I let ride?  How do you help your parents savor every moment of life when they've lost their sense of taste?  These and other questions will be lived out day by day in the ongoing saga of the Sawyer Household.  In the meantime, if I can just help Momma get her bones unstuck.