Recovery

Momma said, "He's back. He's really back." I didn't understand. I thought she meant, "He's going to make it. He's making it. He's home again." She said that shortly after Dad returned home following the triple by-pass. None of us could believe they would release someone in such a fragile condition. He hadn't eaten the whole week in the hospital. He still hadn't had a bowel movement. He was having hallucinations and delusions. And Mom thought he was "back."

Mom rallied all of her strength to care for him. She's been treated for Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for two years and has a congestive heart and ulcerative bowel disease. But she and I, along with my siblings, Bud and Kacy, began the incredibly daunting task of caring for this very sick old man. During the first night home, Mom was leaning over him in bed talking to him. Dad smelled food on her breath and said, "Whatcha eating?" She said, "Bugles." Dad said, "Give me some!" He smiled as he crunched and opened his mouth like a little bird for her to place the salty snacks on his tongue. So Dad's first post-op "meal" was Bugles.

Over the next couple of days, as we settled into a routine of care, Dad grew sicker with bowel impaction. We learned how to test his blood sugar and give insulin shots. He had to be assisted by two people and a walker every trip to the bathroom. And shortly after that he had to begin wearing adult diapers because he had diarrhea as well as constipation. He was eating some small bites at each meal but barely enough to sustain himself, let alone heal. And we feared how little nutrition he was actually able to receive with the impaction.

But despite all of our concerns, we were delighted to discover that he was able to hear better without his hearing aids than he did before surgery with them. He understood almost every word said to him. He accepted our ministrations to him with sweetness and good humor. He apologized to us for having to care for his every needs, but he kept telling us how much he loved us. Especially "Ole Bud."

Bud and Dad have had lots of fun over the last few years reconnecting and building a relationship that they never shared in their younger years. Like so many fathers and sons, there were expectations and disappointments that prevented them from being close. Even recently, Dad still criticized and spoke harshly to him. What none of us realized was how poorly Dad was actually feeling with the hardening of arteries growing steadily worse. No wonder he was short-tempered and cross. But they watched westerns every night and worked the farm every day. Dad learned to depend on Bud as his strength waned and their love grew.

Dad was readmitted twice for complications. Bud hardly left his side. He helped him to the bathroom, brushed his hair, helped him with meals, and sat with him while he slept. When Dad came home again, Bud was still beside him, changing him, bathing him. Dad accepted Bud's tender care with grace and dignity, saying, "Thanks, Ole Bud. I love you."

On several occasions, Momma wanted to be the patient. She was exhausted beyond endurance yet she called on deep reserves of love to care for Dad. We noticed them holding hands and talking quietly in bed. Almost whispering. And that is when it hit me: Dad WAS back. It wasn't his strength that had returned, it was himself. He wasn't withdrawn or irritable. He was sweet and smiling and communicating, something he had not been for.... could it be, years?

Mom had been trying to describe to me, before the surgery, how she "missed" him. I realize now that she was grieving the loss of relationship, almost as if Dad was "gone" already. We assumed it was because of his hearing loss that he had withdrawn inside himself, frustrated with trying to talk and not being able to. But could it be that he was hard of "comprehending" rather than hearing, due to the decreased blood flow to his brain?

Dad will have a very long recovery, extended due to complications of bowel and soon, gallbladder surgery. Mom was told by her oncologist that she's reached cruising altitude with her leukemia. For however long God blesses them with life, they've got each other to hold onto.

Dad's back. He's really back.